February 26, 2017

Going slightly mad

So, I’m new to all this blogging business so I’m not sure how this stuff gets out there or if anyone will read it but here goes. About 2 weeks after my husband died I bought a new car. (If I’d read that, before my loss, I would have thought ‘heartless bitch!’ and I am sure that many people said it about me behind my back.) The strange thing is I can’t tell you why, not really……

I’d always had  a thing for sports cars and I’ve always loved speed so, under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be strange to buy an AMG Mercedes but what on earth possessed me to do it 2 weeks after my husband died???? The only thing I can put it down to is the need to feel something, anything at all. Looking back, I think I scared the crap out of the young salesman; not only did I tell him about my husband dying (with sniffles and tears) but I also drove a 5.5 litre sports car like a crazy person. The fact was, at the time, I didn’t care if I lived or died so it didn’t matter to me how fast I took the corners or whether or not the brakes would stop me before I hit a brick wall. Fortunately the salesman had no idea about any of this but he looked somewhat terrified during the test drive and definitely relieved when we arrived back at the show room.

When I picked the car up and drove it to work for the first time, everyone admired it and a couple of the people who worked for me wanted a test drive. I’m fairly sure I said something and I know I definitely took one of the team for a spin and I know the car was black. That’s it. I have the memory of owning the car but I have no feelings associated with the experience because 2 weeks after the death of the love of my life, I wasn’t ready to feel anything

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About widowbuddy

I'm learning about myself and about life every day. I write a blog on www.widowonline.com (You are not alone) for something to do and I write poetry because I enjoy it.

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