What makes us what we are? Is it the way we look, the job we do, our friends, our families or is it our experiences?
For many years I thought that the way I looked and what other people thought of me were the two most important ways to define myself. Unfortunately, I never liked the way I looked and, lets face it, people never really tell you what they think do they (unless they don’t like you in which case you’re never going to hear anything good). Thinking back, I really was on a hiding to nothing wasn’t I?
I missed out on so many fun times because other people’s opinions of me were far more important than my own. When I was younger I would never have gone white water rafting because the water would wash my make-up away and the helmet would wreck my hair. I would never have gone jet skiing for the same reason.
I used to spend a fortune on make-up, beauty products, clothes and shoes for the sole purpose of receiving approving looks from other people. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I were just doing for myself, for my own self-esteem but it wasn’t. All these thoughts are just tumbling out of my brain so apologies if it doesn’t make much sense – it’s just that I’ve realised I’ve spent the last few decades trying to live someone else’s life!!!!
Who said youth is wasted on the young? It was certainly true in my case; I never appreciated what I had because I was too worried about all the things I didn’t have. Now I’m 50 and, to be honest, my skin’s a bit too big for me these days but I’m a lot happier in it than I was when I was 21.
I’m really glad that I had this realisation and from now on I’m going to say sod everyone else, I don’t care what you think – I’ve got one short life and I’m damn well going to live it. I’m going to have fun while I do it and if my hair’s a mess and make-up smudged then what the f………………..